had a better day then normal today. although it has been hell trying to get an appointment at the doctors just so i can get more drugs and a medical certificate to say i can go back to work! its not too much to ask for is it.

me and mum went to hertfordshire fisheries today. im getting 2 fish! i get to have new friends which im happy about. the filter makes this nice peaceful noise and i get to choose the fish in a few days as the filter has to settle in. or some crap like that anyway!

life has been a bit better. yes there are things i keep inside myself but doesnt everyone. i think i keep more anger inside myself than the most normal person. but thats because of a lot of things.

my parents almost divorced last autumn and i was the one who managed to keep them together. single-handely.

right now i kind of wish they had divorced as i wouldnt be going through so much pain and hatred towards them both. honestly sometimes it is like they are divorced and nothings changed.

the day i walk out that front door with my final box will be the day i get my life back.

i just want a perfect family where everyone gets on but that doesnt happen. instead i get my parents ignoring each other and my brother is jekyll and hyde. so much so it scares me. im not joking either.

i get caught up in the middle and no one seems to care. its like why did i even bother?

ill try and be a bit happier now and think of good things but its hard.

im proud of my friend mar. i love her to pieces and will get over to norway to hug everything better for her. as long as she hugs all the bad things better for me!

shes finally admitted that shes got a problem, kinda like mine, and between us (my reckoning) is taht we will get help together.

its nice to have someone who understands rather than someone who has a go at you.

pretty much like another friend. her names becky. she has a girlfriend called heather and im not jealous of heather. its just that heather has becky wrapped round her little finger and becky cant realise this.

its driving me mad and her so far apart that im wondering why i bother anymore as its draining me, hurting me and i feel like im losing one of my best friends. which to be perfectly honest i am.

shes siding with her girlfriend whether she believes it or not and im falling to pieces. becky doesnt even relaise it.

she didnt care about the entry about me being depressed the other day. i didnt even get an 'are you ok' or an 'ill always be there for you, no matter what'.

its stuff like taht you want to hear from in a friend and stuff like taht i never got. all i got was 'heather this...' and 'heather that...'
just think of mike shinoda... think of jack white... just dont think of knives! not good. remember- mike shinoda and jack white!