�wow� you�ve never kissed me like that before!� i gasp

�i know� i don�t think i have ever wanted to kiss a girl like that before either� he gasps back and we stand there and stare at each other for awhile, mouths wide open and slowly trying to take in what just happened.

then a strange noise hits our reality smack back in the face�

�the pasta!!!� i squeal

�shit�' mike gasps as he tries to tame the beast of over flowing bubbly water that�s flowing out onto the stove!

it�s no use though.

�fancy take-away or something like that?� i ask as i disappear off and come back with a few sheets of paper.

mike just smiles and we both fall about in laughter.

--

i�ve been alone for a while now with a big huge grin on my face after that kiss.

he�s never kissed me like that and i don�t think i�ve ever kissed a man like that. it was like i was being swept off my feet and into the clouds without my feet even touching the ground!

it was amazing. like nothing like it has ever happened to me before

stupid things like crumpled up pieces of paper that lay on the floor make me smile. as i said it is stupid but it means a lot.

this one is the start of lyrics written about what just happened.

mikes now disappeared off to somewhere quieter, behind a locked door, to put his mind to equal rest. he wants to write a version of what just happened from his point of view to always remind him of that moment we decided on a chinese take-away instead of the boiled over pasta.

stupid stuff really does make me smile doesn�t it!

my mind keeps on thinking about what happened at the sound stage when we walked past the office. surely they can�t have worked it out yet. although we have become very good at hiding it.

mike�s screaming at me about what happened with jack can�t have helped things. especially after the knock on the door to see how mike was. they must have known that mike obviously wasn�t screaming at himself.

and thinking about it i didn�t recognise the voice!

�hey, its mike here, please leave a message after the tone� beep!'

that freaked the life out of me and i started panicking and my heart was thumping so much that i didn�t even listen to the message.

just in case it was to do with what i was thinking. i�d have gone mad if it was.

instead i panicked and ran downstairs and insanely knocked on the door of ike�s secret hideaway. i didn�t want to disturb him but i knew he wouldn�t want me thinking the worst and being driven insane on my own.

i explained to him what had happened and his protective arms dropped what they were doing and slipped themselves round my body.

�its ok sweetie� mike soothes �its probably rob. he said he would call around now anyway. there�s nothing too be scared of. just keep your head up. be the strong girl that i know you can be�

that last bit didn�t sound as convincing as it normally does. mike is as nervous as i am. i know it. i can sense it. i don�t want to but i can�t help but protect my arms around him back. he falls into them as much as i do with his.

�this hurts doesn�t it?� i finally say as we part

�too much honey. i�m going out of my mind with worry for you. i don�t want that pain again. i don�t want to come home and find you on the stairs in a state i would never forgive myself for. i know your smiling on the outside when we are with others but you can collapse as much as you want to on my shoulder�

�you honestly don�t know how much that means to me� i sniff into his shirt

�i do. believe me when i say that i do� mike begins �i saw it as much as you went through it. you crossed my mind every single second of that...'

�... i gave up a lot of things to be in love with music again' he continues feeling very wasted and thoughtless, �because of the hell i saw you go through. and avril. avril went through what she shouldn�t have gone through as well. no one should have to have a backstage key to what goes on in this fucked up little world where creativity should rule rather than some fucked up money-making machine�

mike hates this topic

�don�t do this to yourself please� i say holding onto him.

he still blames himself for avril ending up in rehabilitation. i don�t know why

�come on� lets go and hope that message was really from rob� i say taking his hand to try and calm him down

i so hope this message was from rob for mike�s sake...