just goes to show you how much you can really trust someone. tom's just tund round to me and said he doest dive a shit about me. not in so many words but thats how it felt. like being stabbed in the heart and robbed of your only friend. the person that said they would always be there for you no matter what. am i always made to be this fucked up.

he sent me this once... 'never think that, despite me knowing whathappened to you and what you are going through, i'll always be on your side as a true friend'

how can you be nice to one person one minute and then a complete bastard the next.

i dont eve know how im writing this entry coz im constantly crying and its hurting not only my body but my heart. its like my hearts crying as well and i keep treading on parts of it that are broken. just to be reminded of the pain that all this is causing me.

well i cant take it anymore

im going to slit my throat and ruin my body coz i cant take this pain anymore ive just remembered that i have a knife upstairs. my parents took everything away from me but i have this one that hidden. it'll be perfect. its not like i'll be missed either. every part of my life is hell. i have escapism but its not like it lasts forever. i thought id found someone who cared anyone but like all my other dreams it was tossed along the wayside and blown away. if i dont do this ill end up on a couch someone with tears streaming don my face and the pain of knowong i couldnt save myself from this pain that i cant stop. this pain will never go away.