if this entry doesnt make much sense to you then believe me when i say that it doesnt to me. but in a way its a jigsawed version of what happend last night...

tom and i have made things up. i dont truly understand how it happened or why it happened. but i dont care. we're back to being friends. and closer

the text that ripped my heart apart was apparently worded wrongly. it was worded in a way that was meant to be we cool things down a bit but because tom was so mad and full of hatred it started out 'i dont want to have anything to do with you...' or at least something like that

i guess men just arent good at writing things to the person they want to. since when have you known a guy to express their feelings in the right way. it doesnt happen that often and if it does happen it'll happen through a man that makes their living through writing and watching the pain and happiness that goes on around them.

our situation came crashing down a lot quicker than i thought it would. the way it happened and the hatred from the text came maybe his hatred to women at the moment.

the girl he was meant to be back together with, whose out holidaying with friends in florida, dumped him and the reason why is she met someone else. he said to me that it hasnt bothered him but i get the feeling it has. more than he thinks

he said he regretted what he text and if anything had happened to me he would never have been able to forgive himself.

suffering from manic depression is hard. especially hwen you come round to see what you have done an dthe pain you have caused. no one understands and thinks your looking for attention.

but your not.

ive done so many things to hide what i do from people that ive practically lost count of all the ways. ive stopped myself screaming in agony. stupid things like that

i accepted toms apology a thousand times last night. he said he would have understood if i wnatd to leave. but i dont. i want to be as close a prson can be to their bestest friend

im his closest friend. so much so he put kisses after the goodnights we shared.