so things arent all good between tom and i. well at least not as good as i really would like them to be.

why do guys promise you the world and then not really have it. i wish i knew the answer to all of this.

its like ive given tom everything. he knows about really personal things and yet 'sorry' can be the answer to everything. but its nit. its just a promise taht the pain will go away. but it doesnt and neither does the same way you look at the person again.

i wish it was because life would be easier but its not and thats what makes things rougher to deal with.

if im honest tom is the first guy i can honestly say that i trust almost whole-heartedly with a lot of things. but after what happened with his x-girlfriend (now his girlfriend) i sometimes wonder why i bother.

that that trust has been smashed into a squillion pieces and i feel lost and alone on the floor.

there are bits that are still together but not much. just enough bits to be seen as being friends. not only is that my trust but my heart thats broken. i guess things will take time, as with everything.

you see he phoned me up last night asking to met me and then stood me up. yes there was an apology from him when he finally did get back to me but i just doesnt seem to stop the pain

thank god he'll nver see this. hopefully

its like theres someone with me but theres not. that im waiting around for someone thats not going to turn up. but i have this little flicker of hope that they will. its stupid i know. i need to move on. i need to get him out of my brain.

the only annoying thing is that hes looking for more hours to work in the coffee shop. that means ill be working with him. more than just the saturday i do work with him.

oh god! lets just hope life isnt as bad as i think its going to be!!!