�i cant fucking believe you just did that with jack� mike screams at me after finding out that i�d spent time with a close friend of his

�its my job� i try to protest through the tears that sting and pierce my eyes, �i cant help where they send me�

�how am i meant to trust you now?� he quietens down as he watches a tear run itself down my cheek

�you wont even tell them what�s going on between us. i spend my life hiding at your control and i didn�t even know i was going to be here today. you know what my job is like� you used to do it yourself!� i start to scream but my fists clench themselves so tight that i prefer to feel the pain of my nails digging in then to scream the rest out and risk getting caught out

then all hell would break loose

i know its no good trying to protest but i had to say something. as soon as i had seen mike when i came away from scene that had coincidentally occurred, and caught his eye. not a very happy sight

mike looks so hurt that i can�t help but stare at the floor feeling that i don�t deserve the title of being his girlfriend. i�m a disgrace to mike�s love life and i wish i didn�t feel this way. looking at him he�s obviously pretending that everything�s ok because in the next room is our small group of friends- his band- who have obviously heard Mike scream. no one knows that we are together as a couple and that�s what�s making this confrontation hard.

but if they did know would that change their perception of me change knowing as to what i have just done. i crossed the line. but no one outside this room realises that i�ve crossed the line

i never wanted to do it believe me. i had to use every skill in the acting book to not only make things look real, but to also make it look like i was enjoying it. which i wasn�t. i was just faking it and to mike�s eyes i was obviously doing a good job. only i was pretending that jack was him.

all it is was i was sent a job to do the other day and little did i realise was that i would walk on to the same sound stage as my boyfriend and end up doing things i should be doing with my boyfriend, in front of him, with not only his band mate, but also his best friend.

i hated doing it and knew i was going to get this argument but i didn�t realise how severe mike�s reactions were going to be

that�s the line i�ve crossed, and i didn�t even consciously do it.

�is everything ok in here?� we hear a voice call out through the door

�its fine, mate� mike calls back, �everything�s cool�

no one even knows i�m alone with mike right now in here. it�s a carefully set up plan orchestrated by mike for him to vent his anger out on me

�are you hurting yourself? mike whispers in his concerned tone as he looks down from the determined look on my face to my hands and the bones covered in a thin layer of skin like they always are when you clench up hands.

�i�ve got nothing to say� i whisper, even quieter then he just did, �i mean i'm nothing to you and this whole situation is my fault so lets just leave it at that. i�ll go and walk away from you and break all ties with you because i cant stand this anymore�

�please don�t do this� mike gasps through shocked breaths

i mean what i just said as well. i can�t take this anymore. i put up with mike and his rock-star antics, kissing groupies and fans that cant get enough of him. he has to pretend he is single when the only person that knows he really is in a relationship is me.

i watch him do all this on the television and when it happens in front of his own eyes he cant take it and goes off on one at me when all i did was what i was sent here for. he knows i do this for a living as he�s seen me do it with other bands.

i used to be in a band myself. i hated every moment of it. i hated not having a second of privacy to myself. what i wanted more than anything was a 9 to 5 job and so i got out of it. i let go and yes there was a media up-roar but that�s because they have nothing better to do.

the band wasn�t even that famous. we had one hit album and i�m proud of that album but i couldn�t take all that pain of being famous again

ironically, mike whinges about the same problems as i had when we get on and are alone together. the reasons as to why i left. although us being alone rarely happens when it does its amazing because we are just two ordinary people in extra-ordinary circumstances. one doesn�t cope well and the other, well i don�t know. it�s like he�s two different people at times. that can be really hard to cope with