music - none i've just moved into acorn house a couple of days ago to re-couperate from living in a psychiatric ward for the last few months. if it wasnt for some people i think that place would have driven me insane even more

the day i wrote the last entry was the day i was put into police care, sectioned and taken to schrodells- te pschiatric part of watford general hospital that no one really talks about! there i was admitted and stayed there for the next few months (almost 3 to be exact).

now they have seen it fit for me to be set out in the wide scary world again... are they mad??? well i am going out with some anti-depressants that dont seem to work! but i'm in the care of some really great people who i feel i can talk to which is even nicer... and they dont shine a torch in your face every half hour!

talking of malden ward i really did make some great friends. it all started off with jane whom if she ever answers her answerphone (which she normally does) we'll stay in touch for awhile. then there's been sarah, mavis, claire, rachel, and loadsa others that you rely on for support as the nurses are in a world of their own.

i actually even had a love-life there! it started off with robert who gave me a hat and some charcoal draing pencils when he came back from the secure unit he'd been sent to after smashing up the bookcase in the quiet room. we got on so well that he told me he loved me. i took it on the chin as i knew nothing would come of it but that didnt stop me liking him or comforting him after what he did. i was heart-breaking though watching him leave as i didnt know what he'd done till that evening.

the guy i fell most for was dave gardner. it took 2months to pluck up the courage to actually tell someone in secret who it was that i liked... and guess what she did. ater that i couldnt look him in the eye. he would say things to kind of lead me on but in te end we had a brother/sister type relationship. oh if only incest was possible with him! he had a little daughter, put in foster care, called eden and for christmas he got to see her and his family and i was so happy for him.

christmas there was the best i have ever had and i shall never forget it. ailish cooked us all fried breakfast and we all had crackers. dave and i had a cracker contest to see who could get the end with the toy in. he won and would then pull party poppers at me!