music: dido - hunter (no angel)

well the last few days have been a bit obscure. ive been in hospital as i took an overdose. i took it because i couldnt take anything anymore. i couldnt take next door screaming obsceities at our family... i couldnt take the fact that my life was being ruined by epielepsy. there were a lot of other things that wanted to ruin my chance to live.

i didnt want even be lucky enough to live but unfortunatly here i am, typing out this entry and wondering where does my life go.

ok i have my writing, artistic values, cobweb and all the things that make me me at home but sometimes i feel like its enough and i want structure to my day. like a job or something. i wanna do that college course but that starts late at night and is once a week. what do i do then

i do miss jane. she had the bed opposite me and she was mrs zoink and i was miss zoink! dont ask! she teached me a lot of things that i wished had been taught to me by my real parents.

i remember being a child and looking forward to growing up to see what i would be taught about the real world. the day i found out i wouldnt was the hardest to come to terms with. i guess thats part of my fucled-up ness

janes son, matt, came into visit the day before and we got on really well. eye contact and smiles. pity he has a girlfriend :( but i left a note about being friends as you can never have too many friends

anyway jane and i parted on terms i wish we hadnt. i didnt like intruding on her family and her daughter was there so i gave her i hug. i hate goodbyes anyway so i made it short and sweet. but i hated it as we left and she'd become really good friends :(