im really annoyed. ive just spent the last hour typing out an entry for this and then all of a sudden i wante dto close a window and i closed the wrong one. i closed the diaryland one and lost the entry id slaved my heart over! *cries her little heart out*

this entry had stuff in that id never admitted to myself before but i found myself writing it. maybe that was a good thing that it got deleted because it was quite freaky to me what i admitted. some stuff id never thought of until my fingers got into action over a computer keyboard

in my old diary on 'freeopendiary' i would have been ok but this one im a bit nervous about admitting my old life to because it is a bit fucked up.

it was meant to be new diary equals new life but you know how your past catches up with you!

i did some things that arent good and some that will never go away. there are others i kind of enjoy in a wrong sort of way, but i cant help it coz im made that way.

im talking about self-harm before you really think im completly fucked up.

its all kind of coming out from thinking about peter.

i really wanted that entry to be posted as well because i could be proud of something that i really did need to get off my chest. i really needed to find a place for all these things.

instead i need to find other words to say it all again. writing it takes a lot out of me.

its emotionally draining in more ways than one.

i was listening to avril lavigne (let go) and linkin park (hybrid theory) as i wrote the last entry and im now listening to bruce springsteen (born in the usa). i needed to get out the mood of not being happy ith myself. change of musics good for the soul!!!

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went out with greg last night. i do like him but only as a friend. we always intend to go to a posh restaurant for some food but alays end up at either maccyd's or burger king!

he's a great guy. we dated about 18months ago but parted on bad terms but just recently got back together. as a couple at first but now i prefer being just friends who meet up every now and again. we always end up kising but its only friendly as i never feel anything. just animal instinct i guess.

i couldnt do anything else anymore. hes too much of a good friend now. but everyone thinks hes my boyfriend so i just play on it. except hes a boy whose a friend.

i like steve who i work with anyway

but thats kinda obvious from a couple of entries ago!