i had fun yesterday after i came off the internet!! sorted out loadsa things that needed doing. my tidying theory is that if i dump all the crap that needs sorting out on my bed then ill do it before i go to sleep. it never works. i did sort out one lot of stuff though

dyed my hair black/blue last night and im so proud of it. i ruined my avril lavigne baggy t-shirt but im not that bothered as it was a painting t-shirt anyway. my feet look like dalamatians. its hilarious though, and well worth it as my hair looks so great!!!

im not completly gothic but i do like pasty white skin and really dark hair. i like to think myself of a goth/punk. well something like that anyway. not that i like to label myself but caught in a society where everyone does then you cant ignore it. im not excusing it but everyone does it. thinks about what sort of person they are that is. its kind of hard to fight the system when the systems stronger than you are. in the end you give up and bring your individuality to the system.

ive finally got the chance to give marge her birthday present!! im going up to luton tonight for a couple of days which im really happy about. she got it out of me as to what it was. i got this bit of wood and carved her name out in it and sprayed it red (her favourite colour), and tigger colours so it looks like marge as a cartoon. well thats what i like to call it!!

luton's a strange place. its sort of my past but very hard to go back to. i was born there and theres some parts i cant back to because of memories sake. 2 cromwell hill for instance. ill go back one day but not just yet. the scars are still there for that. yes i know they wont go away but im ok and a lot happier without a lot of people i knew there

i came away from university with a few friends that will always be my friends and ill do a lot to make sure they are ok. they are marge walton, catherine jervis and caroline baldwin. id add natalie taylor to that list but shes emigrating to australia in a while but i still love her to bits.

natalie made me realise that i do have a creative streak. she was sort of my push back into the real world. the help i needed to find myself and my career back. i said to myself that at university i wouldnt write and id get the life experience.

in university though its like your wrapped up in bubble-wrap and kept from the real world hurting you. you have no idea of what bills, council tax, etc etc have because your exempt from them. its one of the perks of spending your time as a student.

yes i got the experience i wanted because id watch other relationships start and fail. i even had them myself so i knew the feelings. thats why i write in first person.

im happy i did it but its a huge hit to the system when you graduate and i know the feeling as my friends graduate now and wonder where they go. i know where i am. have the thoughts and the plans that will probably fall through but they are there.

good luck to everyone out there that has just graduated. lifes not as bad as it seems right now...