my friend hayley's (her diary is known as p3-corr and she has a charmed diaryring if anyones interested) just been online and together we've just made up a new diary-ring known as stripes. i wonder whether you can guess what it is about! ive spent all morning doing this and im really proud of it all. i have nothing better to do on a sunday morning you see!!

the reason i wsnt about last week, as you may have worked out from a couple of entries ago, is that i went away to suffolk for the week. ok it rained the whole time but at least i had fun. it was just me and my mum so thankfully everything wasnt as clock-work as normal.

the first couple of days we spent with my grandparents. i got really upset at one point. i wantd to go somewhere with my mum and didnt want to seem horrible by saying i dont really want my grandma to come with us. in the end she stayed at the holiday cottage our family own.

what really upset me was that the first thing my grandad said when we got back was 'so hows my selfish grand-daughter then'. that really made me cry and i ran off into the countryside crying my eyes out. what made it even more upsetting was that id brought ice-creams for everyone. it really hurt what he said as i hate thinking of my self as selfish.

it hurts every single little part of me. i dont want to think of myself as selfish. i hope im not and that i do my best to love every other person on this planet and be there when they need me. id drop everything to help a friend in need.

been sort of seeing greg for the last 2weeks or so and im not sure how i feel about things. the day before i left to go on holiday he said those omnious words: i love you. i ran. i ran all the way up the m25/a12 to suffolk and didnt look back for a week. except to answer the phone as thats only fair.

im not ready for a relationship yet. its still too soon since the relationship i had with rob. i guess im scared of falling for someone and getting as hurt as i did last time. i couldnt take it again. there was other situations involved last time and thats what made it hurt as much as it did.

if things had stayed the way they were and all goodness and light right now i would be 6/7months pregnant and thats a really scary thought as im not old enough for all this.

i need to see a lot more of the world and to expierence things that on my death-bed ill think of that i'll be proud that i did that or had the courage to be encouraged to do that by someone i trusted

i want to do things like that. things im proud of. like going to reading festival last year. although it does make me cry that i cant go this year. all but 2 of my fave bands are playing!!! how depressing is that!

hope ur still liking the new layout! there is a diary-ring about but i have to work it out as to where it goes. but please join! and if u cant join then at least love the band!!! jack and meg rule!!!